Hope Still Flies

As of today, I'm a mom to a 3-month-old. Which, may not sound like much, but means the world to me.

It once again feels like it's been forever since I've updated. The month has flown by, and I look at pictures from even a week or two ago and I think about how different Thad is from then. It blows my mind how quickly he's changing and growing and just I TOLD YOU TO STOP GROWING UP SO FAST.

While I by no means feel like an expert, I still feel like I'm becoming more comfortable in my role as mom. I realize quicker what needs to be done to keep T happy, what does and doesn't work, and all that. I always wondered why parents said that their job was so rewarding, but it really is. And my kid does nothing more than lay around and be cute right now.

This past month included Michael's graduation from KU with his Master's degree. I am so ridiculously proud of him, and have no idea how he's decided to keep going to school for the next five years to get his PhD. He's crazy. I'd have him committed, but he's the psychologist and he thinks he's sane so I guess I have to let that one go. But really, I love that all of his hard work is paying off, and that as long as he's enjoying what he's doing that's all that matters to me.

This past month also included going to Chris and Sam's wedding, where Thad was babysat by his newly appointed Uncle Shawn, who did a fantastic job. Other than that, there's just been the continuing of getting used to daycare and working again. He seems to be doing great at daycare, and his teachers love him. Even with the two new baby girls added to the room, he's still the youngest. 

No Super Deep Feeling stuff this time around. Basically I'm learning that parenting is a giant game of guess-and-check, and who would have known when I learned about guess-and-check in math in junior high that it would apply for parenting. Back then I thought adults had everything figured out, when it turns out we're just grown up kids pretending for the sake of not freaking out the little people. Seems to be working out for everyone.

My Rad Thad... 

First of all, I was having trouble getting you to smile... your dad came in and you were all smiles for him.

I'm going to do a comparison of me, Mike and Thad at three months tomorrow on facebook I think...

I've already turned into one of those parents who says, "How is my baby already x-months old?!" But seriously, it's hard to believe Thad's been here for a month already. It's flown by, and yet he's already become such a big part of our lives. Which... is normal I suppose. All those cliches I kind of giggled at before this kid came along... I think I've said all of them. They're all true, so why not?

We're doing well around here. After the first week home, Michael had to get back to real life as a graduate student. He's done great at transitioning to handling both roles, as I knew he would. Which is good, since he'll be starting work towards his doctorate degree this fall at KU. I'm ridiculously proud of him, and glad to know that we'll be residing in the same town for the next five years or so. Also, I'm going to ask for a vague prayer request for me... just that things will work out as they should - I'd appreciate it.

Anyway, my mom stayed with us the second week, which was great. The third week we headed to Wichita for my brother-in-law's beautiful wedding! I stayed with my parents that week while Michael came back to Lawrence. It was great to spend time with them, though we missed Michael something fierce. Sarah's wedding shower was that weekend (she's getting married in 23 days!) and since then I've been handling the little guy by myself during the days. I'd like to think we're doing pretty well, minus my inability to remember anything anymore. Literally walked around Dillons for a half hour trying to remember what I went in for. I'm feeling about 95% physically - and ready to be working out again.

Enough about me. Time for the little guy. (for me to remember...)

Basically, I think he's the best ever. Worth everything.   

I figured it was time for me to check back in... since we officially had our little guy Monday morning!

Fair warning - this post is long, and contains his birth story. It's mostly for me so feel free to skip over it. There's a cute picture or two waiting at the end for you.

So here's how he got here:

We headed into the hospital on (a very cold) Sunday evening at 7:30. I'm not sure how Michael was doing, but I was pretty relaxed, all things considered. We got signed in, weighed, and then was checked to be sure I was set to start their game plan. After the nurse checked me she said I should go ahead and use the restroom before they started the cervadil. So I went and was pretty preoccupied with my thoughts. And then I stood up and was still dripping fluid so I opened the door and was like “uhh is this from being checked?” and the nurse was like, “Nope, I’m pretty sure your water broke.” Which changed the game plan. Started pitocin and I got up and walked around… noticed that most of the contractions were in my back.

The nurse (my favorite of our whole stay) checked me after 2 hours and I was at 2, then two hours later I was at a 4, and then I went ahead and decided to do the epidural because the pain in my back just wouldn’t stop, and contractions were right on top of each other. I wasn't sure how much of that I could take. The epidural itself wasn’t bad, but having to stay laying down and breathe through contractions was rough. 

So after my epidural went in (around 1:45 am) she checked me again and went. “okay… sooo you’re a nine now. I’m gonna go ahead and call the doctor.” Wait, what? We were excited because hey, that was really fast. I felt stupid cause I probably didn’t need the epidural. (hahah) So around 2:40 or so the nurse had me do a practice push and T came down quite a bit so the doctor came in and I was off and pushing. Annnd pushing. And pushing. I felt like I wasn’t doing a thing except I could feel more pressure over time. The doctor would occasionally come over and watch with the nurse as I push, but then would sit back down, which was not reassuring in the slightest.

They had me change positions and still nothing.  About 5 (pushing for about 2 and a half hours) or so, my doctor explained that she could feel the baby’s head getting swollen, and I was getting swollen.She couldn’t tell, but figured he was probably in a weird position and if he was going to switch, me changing positions would have done that. So she was going to call her associate in and we’d decide what to do. While she was out I asked the nurse if she thought the c-section or the vacuum/forceps would be a better option. (We really wanted to avoid forceps) and she said honestly, he was still high up and even if they got his head through the rest might get stuck. At that point I was ready for them to cut him out anyway.

The other doc came in and had me push and they all agreed that a c-section would probably be best. They’d get me prepped, he’d be out in probably 10 minutes, then it’d take about an hour to stitch me up. Sweet deal. By this point I'd been awake for almost 24 hours and was exhausted. Thankfully I’d already had the epidural, so around 5:45 am they got started. At this point I’m excited, but the medicines all were making me shake a lot. I was exhausted, which wasn’t helping. After about 20 minutes I realized he still wasn’t born, and the doctors were pushing a lot. Not pleasant. By this point I was trying not to panic because, shouldn't he have been born already?

Right before he was born both doctors got up near my abs and seriously pulled and pushed. Hurt. Like. Hell. Then there was a serious “POP” and the pulled him out. Their comments were “Well hey there big guy!” and “Holy cow look at you! You have to be over 9 pounds!” Um. Excuse me? They showed us him and he was absolutely perfect. Thaddeus Reed Ternes was born at 6:25 am, weighing in at 8 pounds, 7 ounces, and he was 20.5 inches. Michael went over to watch his initial stuff and take a few pictures, and then brought him over and we cooed over him. Such an amazing moment.

This is where things get hazy for me. Michael stays with the baby when he goes to get cleaned up,  and I start fading in and out falling asleep. Still shaking like crazy. After they got T weighed and measured, Michael brought him back. I remember seeing them for a second and then telling Michael it was okay, he should move back. So he did and when I was trying to stay awake I hear Michael talking about how much he loved him and how beautiful he was and how much I loved him even though I couldn’t say so at the moment.. all that and … ugh. My heart. Then they told Michael that he should go with the baby to the nursery to get the normal stuff done so he did.

T had been out for approximately an hour and some change at this point. I aksed how it was going down there, and the doc leaned over and mentioned I had some extra bleeding and they were just trying to get it stopped. They had troubles getting my blood pressure because I was shaking so badly, so the anesthesiologist would have to come over and hold my arm down. There was a small pop at one point and they were moving around a bit more, and I got to watch the suctions drain my blood to my left. I finally asked if it was okay if I slept and they said of course so I kinda let go. I remember waking up at one point shaking even worse and them talking about the warming blankets I was going to get. I told the doctor I’d share with her? Yeah. Anyway.

Eventually the whole thing was over over. Doctor came and told me that the extra bleeding was from a point where my uterus tore down my left side to my cervix. But everything was all stitched and stapled up.  In addition to being big, he was face up so that explains the back pain. Basically 2 hours after they started, I got to recovery. My temp was waaay low so I got to hang out under blankets while Michael cuddled with Thad. I was so tired still and had no filter but thankfully nothing crazy left my mouth. (The rest of the day. I didn't sleep much and was just kind of saying whatever came into my head. Thankfully family understands.)

That’s pretty much the end. Oh, the giant “POP” from when he was born? Yeah. that’s because I had pushed him so hard into my pelvis he was ridiculously stuck - he wasn’t going to come out.

I have to brag on Michael. He pretty much had no choice but to jump right into everything since I was out of commission. He took the role on straight away. I knew he'd be an amazing dad, but he's so much more than I ever imagined. Like, I'm pretty sure he has a family of five hidden away because he's a natural with everything. The nurse even commented on it at our check-in yesterday. He absolutely adores this kid. Kisses him and talks to him and just loves the crap out of him. Makes me love him all the more. He’s amazing.

This first week at home has just been us, and I'm glad we planned it that way. Getting into the groove of parenting and teamwork. It's been great. Thad HATES being naked, so getting his diaper changed is a challenge. We were tag-teaming it last night - I was trying to calm him down and Michael was changing his diaper... then Thad peed on both of us. It was hilarious and we both couldn't stop laughing... I know there's going to be rough times, but it'll be things like that I remember.

Basically, we're all good. I'm recovering well, just a little sore still. Especially where I tore down extra on the inside. Thad's great - still working on getting rid of the rest of the jaundice, but we learned at his appointment yesterday that he's tall and skinny. With a big head.

Here are a couple of pictures. I'm officially "that" mom, with a bazillion pictures on my phone. Sorry, everyone on every social media site. I can't help it. He's just too cute. And as everyone on fb has seen, he makes the best facial expressions.

If nothing else, I'm going to be doing monthly updates. But this is more than enough for now...

Already his father's son, showing up late...

(Just mostly kidding, I love you, Michael)

Here we are. After I was so worried about going early... Due date's gone and passed. Everyone seems impatient. Believe me, I'm feeling the same way. Had a biophysical profile ultrasound done today at the doctor to make sure T was still happy and healthy in there. He practiced his breathing and moved his hands and feet - basically passed with flying colors.

The doc came in and I reported that, nope - still no regular contractions. I'm not ridiculously  uncomfortable compared to most people 40+ weeks pregnant. She offered to check me and strip my membranes but... meh. It might not do anything, so we just decided to go ahead and set up and induction date and if he decides to come before then, he will. 

So, officially, my check-in time for L&D is Sunday night at 7:30. I'm not expecting anything exciting to happen until Monday. Hopefully Monday. Maybe Tuesday. It's really nice to have a final date set. And honestly I'll be okay with waiting until then. Michael has some PhD stuff to do later this week and the last thing he needs is a newborn or a wife in labor on top of all of that. 

I guess I can handle having a March baby. Share a birth month with Aunt Beth, Uncle Phil, and Grandma Kathy. 

Um, the DSLR was upstairs and I was downstairs. And I've given up on pants that aren't sweats.

How Far Along? 40 Weeks, 1 Day.

That nesting eating... no longer working. I haven't put on any more weight and doc lady isn't so happy. I even had Munchers yesterday. And I feel a lot bigger so that should count, right?

I know I said I would put up nursery pictures before this post... and I've taken the pictures... I just can't put them up until a certain parental unit comes and sees the nursery. So. Sorrrry. (Anyone around is always welcome to stop by and see though!)

Yet another sonogram today. She had a hard time measuring his head because he is still so low (yay!). Then she had a hard time measuring anything else because, as she put it, "it's like trying to scan a basketball!" whoops. Her educated guess was that he's bigger than 5 pounds and smaller than 15. I'll take it. (Realistically she said roughly 7). So he's a little small if that's true, but not outrageously so. Apparently I also had a contraction while she was scanning (she told me) and I didn't feel it. So guess who's now having super unrealistic pregnancy fears? ("WHAT IF I DON'T REALIZE I'M IN LABOR AND HE'S BORN IN THE BATHTUB. OR IN MY CUBICLE.")

I also saw my doctor circle "Posterior" on the ultrasound notes, so it seems he's spine-to-spine with me, which would explain my back pain. And why I can feel all of his little alien movements and bony little appendages. But no one's mentioned it. Doctor still isn't doing cervical checks which is fine by me. They don't schedule inductions until the 41st week, but basically that means at longest I've only got 3 weeks left. Hopefully a lot less though.

Nothing fits anymore and I'm ready to be done. I have nightly pep talks with T. Maybe one of these days they'll work, or he'll just come out so he doesn't have to listen to them anymore. Either way.

I think all the weight I've gained has gone to baby and my legs. 

How Far Along? 38 weeks

Does nesting also work with food? Because I suddenly am eating a lot more chocolate. And donuts. And ice cream.

I'd like to think I've been nesting as far as cleaning too, but that's not true. We have finished his room (minus the crib mattress), including the latch hook rug! I started that rug soon after I found out I was pregnant. It's been a lot of hours of cutting and latch-hooking but it's now finished... Didn't have enough fabric to make the full 3'x5' rug... it's closer to 2'x5' and I love it. I'll take pictures of the nursery and do a little post on it soon. Before he gets here.

Weekly appointments are starting with the doc. She didn't check to see if I was dilated at all - she said she doesn't do it yet unless the patient wants to and I figure even if I was dilated it might not mean a thing. So I'll go with just waiting for my back pain to turn into contractions. Also when she went to get his heartrate he threw a slight fit and pushed out and made his hr go up. She laughed and said he doesn't like his space being invaded. Noted.

Also, this kid is super bony. He now enjoys pushing out his feet and elbows on my left side. It's just mildly painful. There's also this new thing where he moves near my ribs and there's a popping noise? Slightly unsettling but kinda awesome. Sitting for 8 hours at work is also mildly painful for my back. But as of next week we're (at the old definition of) full term! I'm ready whenever he is. As long as there's not a blizzard happening.

Oh! I also packed hospital bags for me and T. Michael gets to deal with his own. Which means it probably won't get packed until we're about to head to the hospital. That's okay. I love him anyway.

How Far Along? 36 weeks

How Far Along? 34 weeks

Has it really been 2 weeks already? We're under 2 months away from a tiny person invading our lives. (Invading in a good way) and I'm still in denial. I keep going to pack hospital bags and just... nope. Can't do it. Hospital bags... need to get the car seat installed... need to get his room organized...

But I got Netflix and Hulu Plus and Apple TV for Christmas sooooo...

(no one tell my dad I'm watching Police Women of Dallas right now instead of doing anything productive)

Thankfully, these past two weeks have been quieter around here. Michael and I spent Christmas day at home - we had my little sister and her fiance over for a ham lunch and playing Super Mario Bros for the Wii. Good times all around. Then we headed to Wichita and spent a couple of days seeing all of Michael's family. Saturday we had Christmas with my family. I love this time of year - I could do without the cold and snow, but getting to just hang out with family and laugh and have good times... it makes me excited to bring a new person around for it next year. He'll fit right in, I'm sure.

It's back to work and reality now. The guessing game of when T will make his appearance. Not for awhile, but every new symptom makes me go "Is this normal oooor is he planning on just falling out of me oooor..." it's just crazy. I haven't had a rough pregnancy by any means. I'm not overly hormonal, haven't had many health problems, my arthritis is in remission... but I am ready for him to be here (not to soon) so I can stop worrying about every little thing with me. 

And be able to pop my back again.

Baby shower this Saturday! I'm not a baby shower fan. Silly games and whatnot. But I'm all good for hanging out with my friends and family, and I'm trusting my sisters with this.

I didn't take a picture of myself this weekend, but we took a few maternity pictures last Saturday with the help of my sisters. Michael was less than pleased and his ownry-ness came out. But he's still adorable, so it works out. We just got some funny faces out of the deal. So here's my 32 week picture.

How Far Along? 32 weeks

How Far Along? 30 weeks