Hope Still Flies

(Unless I write at ten/fifteen/eighteen. Meh. We'll see.)

FIVE. I haven't had a newborn for FIVE YEARS. 

When people ask how old my kids are, and I now say, "Basically 8 and 5." first, I feel old. Then I am repeatedly hit with... how did that happen? My babies are just... kids. Boys. 

We're in this space between toddlerhood and pre-teen years where they're independent, but still so loving and occasionally need me for cuddles, though those times are fewer and fewer.

Atti, though. I'm not sure he'll ever not want love.

Our little love-bug. Our people person. His infectious laugh will get anyone. 

He's five. 

Our year has been fairly quiet. A few trips (Mississippi beach trip, Colorado family trip, Kansas City, Wichita). Loving our family time when we get to Kansas. Sports - fall and winter soccer for Atti (cross-country and basketball for Thad). They're both learning and growing so much in so many ways. It's hard to see in the day-to-day. Even now looking back on the last year, everything flows and blends together so much I have a hard time picking out everything. 

We've been healthy, and a little anti-social. Playing all the word-games and whatever thing was popular a year ago.

But, this is about Atticus. 

He has sprouted into such a beautiful little soul. He wears his feelings right there on his sleeve, no matter what form they're taking. We've made progress on how to handle those BIG feelings when they come over him. Inside voices and deep breaths. The ways his eyes glisten every day with the life inside him... it's amazing. He pushes me to grow, which I so appreciate. 

Even if that means saying hi to the neighbors when I'd rather sneak inside.

He likes everything Thad likes. Pokemon, sports, Fortnite, Nerf blaster... he also has a few things Thad has grown out of - action figures and cars. Atti is always reluctant when I ask them to play separately. He so much wants to be where someone else is, playing with someone else, interacting with someone else. Since the DAY HE WAS BORN. 

But I love watching when he plays or works by himself. He's creative. Imaginative. In a way I am not. I struggle with anything like that. I so love watching it.

Back to emotions on his sleeve - he loves saying he loves us. Giving hugs. Saying "YOU'RE THE BEST MOMMY IN THE WORLD" even when I'm not. A lot of his ailments can be solved with a big hug and soft words. He's scared of the dark, spiders, and thunderstorms. His palette has expanded slightly, but he's still not big on eating most meats. He is anxious in a different way than Thad is. I left the other day when they were outside playing. Michael was still home. But he saw the car pulling out of the driveway, and I could see the panic and tears on his face. So I had to stop and reassure him that everything was okay, dad was still home. He was not alone. 

I am thankful for easier bedtimes, more sleep (YAY), and independence. I sometimes long for baby/toddler cuddles, words & phrases, wobbly legs... but at the end of the day, I really do watch loving who both boys are becoming. I am so proud of them. 

Atticus. Thank you for being you. For helping me to see and learn new things about the world around me. For showing me that it's okay to wave to people and say hi. May you always keep this beautiful side of you. Never let anyone tell you you're not good enough. My Atti Bear, you can do anything you want to. And dad and I will always be there to support you. 

Atti vs Thad at 5.