"And by the way you brought me here, it makes me believe the best is still yet to come and I don't want to leave..."
-"Giving It Away" by Mae

The trees are absolutely beautiful here right now. Last year we had an early hard freeze, so the trees just kind of bared themselves, but this year they're turning all sorts of reds and oranges... It's gorgeous. Makes me remember why fall is my favorite season.

I've been pretty lazy this evening...doing laundry and rewatching Monday's One Tree Hill and sewing a bit... But it gave me time to think about the past... which happens when I get bored sometimes. Usually something triggers a memory and I'm thrown back to that time, and how things were. Mainly from when I lived in Olathe. There are times when, even now, I wonder how different things would be if my family hadn't moved back to the ICT.

Don't get me wrong here, I wouldn't change my life now for anything. I've been so beyond blessed and I wouldn't have it any other way.

But what if I'd stayed and graduated from Olathe. Who knows if I'd be at K-State for one... and would I have been nearly as happy? I can't think that I would have been, because I'm pretty sure it's hard to top life right now. Who would still be my friend, that I haven't kept in touch with since I moved? Would some of the people I knew have turned out differently too? Would I? So many questions that drive me crazy. What could have been?

I know that everything that has happened, has happened for a reason; that I'm where I'm supposed to be at in life. I completely believe that. I love where life is headed (though I don't want to jinx myself)... amazing boyfriend, great family and friends, planning my future... it's all amazing.. But that doesn't stop me from thinking, if even one thing had happened differently, how different would things be right now?

I don't know... And I never will... and I think at some point I'll finally come to terms with that. For now, I'll go back to keeping myself busy, and not taking for granted the beautiful things I have in my life right now.

Like trees.

love
alex

p.s.... I miss you.