Hope Still Flies: blessed

"New Year's Eve I'm waiting for tomorrow, my heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe this New Year's Eve will turn out better than before. I'm holding on, still holding out until they close the door on me."

- "New Year's Eve" by Five Iron Frenzy

I think this will forever be my favorite New Year's Eve song. FIF wins again.

Here we are, 4 1/2 hours until 2011 and just like last year I'm wondering where in the heck the year went. So I took some time to reflect on what this year entailed. Let's see...

At the beginning of the year, I lost my grandma. I miss her still today, very, very much.

I survived two more semesters of college. Somehow.
Celebrated 1 year of marriage, and 4 years of being together with that one guy. I think his name's Michael.
:)
Didn't exercise nearly as much as I should have. Again.
Watched my nieces and nephews get even bigger still.
Spent great time with my family and friends.
Read lots. Yay!
Collected even more penguin stuff. So. Many. Penguins. In my apartment.
Survived being a Hastings barista for another year.
Loved.
Hoped.
Believed.

2010 has been a great year. I've been blessed beyond... anything. There have been ups and downs, of course, but overall the year's been amazing.

I know 2011 will bring more of everything. More new, more old, more love, more everything. I don't make resolutions, mainly because I never remember what I resolved to do. But every year I hope to learn to be more patient, more loving, more understanding, more sure of myself, more sure of my faith, ~~more sure of my Rock Band abilitie~~s... My current hope is getting an internship at a place that I enjoy being at. But even if I end up staying in Manhattan or Wichita for another summer, I hope I can make the most of it. And to survive the next two semesters of college so I can finally graduate in 2012.

Basically... I hope I can be a better person. It's what I constantly strive to do. To make people happy, help them worry less, let them know they're loved. That's all I really want. I hope I can achieve that this year.

So (early) Happy New Year to everyone. I love all of you, and hope your year starts out right.

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Oh, future. (+ new photography)

blessed 2:04 PM

"This is my winter song to you. The storm is coming soon, it rolls in from the sea."

"Winter Song" by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson

(It's December... so winter-time music lyrics are good now.)

I'll go ahead and give warning that most of this post is me worrying, and having to talk out all the stuff in my head. There are some pretty pictures of an adorable baby at the end, though... so feel free to skip to those. :) I'll add some animations in here to break up my writing.

Oh, future. Your impending doom-ness freaks me out sometimes. The farther I get into the chemical engineering classes, the more I hear that to be able to get a job when I graduate, I need to have an internship for at least one summer, which would be this next summer. Okay. That should be doable. Except that I'm being ridiculously picky about what/where I'd like to work. Which is not good. I realize it's only 12 weeks this summer. That's doable wherever, but still. I'd like to stay relatively close to Manhattan.

Then there's the whole what I'd like to do. So many chem e's go into the oil refinery field. Which is pretty much the last thing I wanna do. With my other major being in biochem, I think the pharmaceutical industry is where I'd like to be. But then there's my ideal jobs... anything with biomedical engineering, or brewery engineering, or a coffee roasterie. As of right now, I'm looking for pretty much anything for next summer.

Failure is still one of my biggest fears. It happens... I know that. But applying for internships, facing the interviews... scares me. But, to get to where I want to be, I know it needs to be done. I am so ready to be out of school, with a real job, in a house, thinking about starting a family... Gotta be a big kid.

So many babies have been born recently. That never helps the me-wanting-to-have-a-baby thing. But every time I think about that, I just tell myself that I'm only 21, I want to be out of school, have a house and job so I can give the kid a good life. Not saying that the kid wouldn't have a good life if all of those wants weren't there, but that is where I want to be. As much as I'd like to jump to that time now, I know between now and then a lot of great memories will be made. Gotta enjoy this time.

Basically I'm scared of the next couple years. I'm afraid I won't get an internship, or I won't get a job, or I'll just be completely unhappy.

Meh. That's enough of the depressing talk. Just needed to get my thoughts down. Onto the more fun topics.

Finals next week!! I'm ready to get them done so I can have a month "off". (There'll be plenty of working in there.)

One of the many babies born recently was to a coworker of mine. She had a little boy named Calvin, and he's the smallest, sweetest little thing ever. I'm lucky enough that she let me come in and take a few pictures of him...

Isn't he precious?? Lauren and Cole are great parents, too. It'll be fun to watch him grow.

Okay. I'm off to read a book that hasn't been assigned to me for the first time in months. Yay!

LOVE.

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Frustrated

blessed 9:02 PM

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