Dear Thad,

I thought maybe I'd write you a little note as I'm feeling all feelings-y about you turning one?

Sweet boy, as I put you to bed tonight, as I have most nights over the past year, I had to stop for a second. Really, nothing is different - tomorrow's another day. You'll be another day older, just like you were today. It's just that tomorrow you'll officially be one-year-old. I've been calling you a toddler since you started humpty-dumpty-ing around the house at the beginning of January. But tomorrow's you're officially a toddler, and I'm pretty sure I didn't okay that.

The past year has flown by so, so quickly. I've mentioned several times all those horrible, cringy, cliches are true, no matter how much I hate it, but seriously. You've grown and changed right before my eyes, and yet it feels like just yesterday I was hanging out in the labor and delivery room, watching the Oscars with your dad, aniously awaiting your arrival.

But, poof. Here we are. You've gone from this teeny, tiny human that couldn't even see a foot in front of his face, to a slightly-less tiny human that is very close to literally running around the house. Some days I ask myself how we did it, your dad and I? We might be in our mid-twenties but I don't think either of us were fully equipped to handle a baby. (Is anybody?) And yet, as unprepared as I thought I was, turns out I was even less prepared. I'm actually glad no one told me how much secret stuff happens with parenthood. The stress, the confusion, the love... but how do you go about explaining that to someone who hasn't experienced yet?

I say your dad and I weren't ready, and that's mostly true. We hadn't really put a timeline on having kids, but we (he) didn't think it would happen this early. But as soon as you came into our lives, I couldn't see things happening any other way. I thank God every day he blessed us with you; our beautiful, loving, hilarious baby boy. It's amazing to look at you and see both me and your dad in you (another true cliche, as weird as it sounds). Even with our characteristics, you are still very much you. My Thaddeus. Your own person with your own quirks.

On days when I look at you and can't even handle how big you've gotten, I look for the little things that have been there since you were born. The dimple above your right eyebrow that you get when you furrow your brow. The way you intertwine your hands.

 

The way you look when you get sleepy. Your ticklish hips, feet, and neck. Your squinty eyes when you smile or laugh.

 



The most kissable cheeks in the world. Your ridiculous hair. All these little things that remind me that, yes, you are still my baby boy. That even as you grow, you'll still have little traits that make you, you. And as you grow, I know you'll acquire more and more, as we're already starting to see your personality truly blossom as you assert your independence.

One other thing that hasn't changed, and will never change, is how much your dad loves you, and how much you love him. Yeah, you and I, we have our bond. You prefer to have me calm you down at night, would rather eat the food off my plate... but no one makes you laugh like he does. I love seeing how your guys's relationship grows and changes as you do more than just cry and sleep. He loves ferociously, and I love that I can see that refelction in you already as well. You'll be partners in crime, that's for sure.