Michael mentioned last night that I hadn't updated my blog since New Year's Eve... I suppose I should give an update.

This semester has flown by. The homework load has been less, but I have group projects every which direction that take up a lot of time. I was working at my internship and Hastings until March when this latest 30 day project started and I needed those few hours a week back from Hastings. So now I'm just interning. School, homework, intern. Maybe clean once a month (oh, I wish I was kidding.)

For spring break this year, Michael and I made the drive to Texas to visit his grandma. I had only officially met her once and that was for about 10 seconds at our high school graduation. So it was nice to get away and just hang out. The drive allowed Michael and I to just talk and laugh and... read the Hunger Games. Or something like that. That was what we did at the end of spring break...see the Hunger Games. And then I saw it again last week. How much I loved it and how great of a movie adaptation it was deserves a whole 'nother post that I'll probably never get around to writing... so... everyone should see it.

When I haven't been working or homework-ing, applying for jobs has been the other thing I do. Oh! That is one big piece of news... Michael is going to be starting grad school in the fall. He's going to be going to KU to get his Masters degree in Counseling Psychology. He's hoping that after that he'll get his PhD and do some sort of counseling thing that I'd be horrible at. I'm really proud of him, and I know he's excited.

I love that we'll be staying in Kansas, close to my family and at least part of his. The only problem this has brought up was me finding a job. There are a lot of opportunities out there for chemical engineers, but most require a few years of experience... that I don't have. Regardless, I'm applying for anything and everything. 

This is where this post is going to begin my rambling... 

I'm frustrated. More frustrated than I've been in a really long time. I knew this wouldn't be easy but not even getting replies from companies is.. I don't know. Currently I feel a bit like a failure. Almost all of my classmates have jobs lined up. I feel like I'm drowning. I graduate in just over a month. That's it. I'll be all done with school. I should be super ecstatic, but instead I find myself panicking. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, I really need to suck it up. But this has been bubbling up to a point where I needed to let it out. It's gotten to the point where I'm taking it all out on Michael because he's nearest. He has been nothing but sweet and supportive this whole time and I've been nothing but short and unthankful. And he doesn't deserve that. My family has been nothing but helpful as well. I appreciate all that they're doing, but part of me feels like I shouldn't need their help. I should be able to do this on my own. I don't do vulnerable well. So part of this writing is hoping that getting it out will make me feel better. I've gotten back into running the past few days. Kicked a soccer ball around for an hour today. All in hopes of just maybe releasing some of this tension. 

I am so ready to start this next phase of my life. I have been for awhile. I need it. I'm ready for it. But right now all I'm doing is shoving my feet in the ground and trying to stall graduating because I don't have a job yet. I don't have a job which means we can't find a place to live, make a budget, anything. It's all got me in a frenzy. I'm not a fan of this feeling. And I keep telling myself it'll all work out, but it's only so comforting.

For now... I'm shoving this back in my head. Chin up. I'll keep applying. Keep hoping for an interview. Just one. Anything. Once this AIChE project is turned in on Friday I should have some free time. Well. No. I have to take the FE exam next Saturday. 8 hours of testing on engineering stuff that I haven't started studying for. That'll be fun. 

Anyway. In other news... the wedding I photographed in January was great... A beautiful day that was a learning experience. Which is good... because I have another wedding lined up for May 5th, and then one of my great friends is getting married on June 2nd and I'm photographing that one as well. I'm really excited for those two. Plus my buddy Eli turns 1 next month. One of my friends from high school is having me do her engagement pictures next month. Graduation. Hopefully moving? Oh man. There's a lot that's going to happen. Just gotta get there. 

One day at a time. Tomorrow? Controls test. AIChE project. Castle and Bones (my escape).

All right. I'll leave today with a few pictures I've taken over the past few months.

Alicia and Mike on their wedding...

My friend Lauren had her son Levi at the end of January. Gotta love the squishy tiny baby.

One of Mr. Jovannie's 9 month pictures.

And Eli turned 9 months old at the end of February. Look at those eyes. And teefers.

And finally, a picture from spring break. There were a couple of stormy nights in Texas, but there were also beautiful sunsets... this was one.

Until next time...